As opposed to the smaller and more transparent sunglasses I’d been wearing, these block the light so much better. Duh. Coupled with quitting smoking, these should help stave off wrinkles a little longer.

I’m sure I’m not as sly as I think I am, but I like to think I can spy on human oddities (like deformed people and fashion models) a little longer than I should.

They’re much sturdier than my other sunglasses. I dropped those once, and they were never the same. I’ve dropped this pair several times already, and I do believe I’ve seen them bounce off the ground and back into my hand.

They hold back my hair nicely because they don’t have those little nose pieces that snag when I try to put the sunglasses back on my face. I hate when that happens.

And some night on the subway, unless you’re looking carefully enough to see my wet cheeks, you won't notice me crying.

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Read: I Said “Fuck” 7 Times in The New Yorker»

There are so many things I want to tell you. I want to tell you about the “Phantom of the Opera” wedding my friend went to this weekend, complete with masks, smoke, and an elevator rising out of the floor. And how I got hit in the head while on the subway last week, and I don’t know what hit me because it was my stop and I had to get off the train, but everyone around me was asking me if I was OK while I held my head in my hand.

In Firefox, if you hit Ctrl/Cmd+K you select the search box, and then Ctrl/Cmd+[up and down] changes which engine you want to search with. And I’m afraid that people are going to like the new “Office,” without ever experiencing the genius of the original.

The Metrocard turnstiles are designed inconveniently for left-handed people, and so are can openers and computer keyboards. And my friend that sits next to me at work just clamped a cowbell to his whiteboard. A cowbell. Sometimes I feel something in the bottom of my stomach that I can’t pin down, but usually turns out to be nothing but insecurity.

I went to see what the neighborhood gym was like down the street from my apartment, and though I usually see some charm in my ghetto, but there wasn’t anything charming about it. Sunday afternoon I watched a Suze Orman show on PBS, and I took notes. I’m getting bored with my own blog, but I won’t shut it down or anything.

I want to tell you that my fantastic virtually-invisible roommate won’t be living with me for a third year, so I’m going to have to find a new one who won’t be nearly as awesome as she is. I haven’t returned my Netflix in about two weeks, and I haven’t taken many pictures with my camera lately either.

And I want to tell you that he said “I love you.”

I want to tell you that I accidentally left my mp3 player on last night so when I wanted to listen to it this morning on the subway, it was dead. I’m going to cat-sit this weekend, and I’m happy to because she’s watched my cats before. The plant on my desk was practically dead when I got back from my holiday vacation, but I’ve nursed it back to health.

I’m down to my high school weight, but I can’t seem to get below that, and it’s probably because I eat ham egg and cheese sandwiches for breakfast. And I tried to pay my credit card bill on Friday, but discovered someone had hacked into my account changing my email, phone number and mailing address so I called the credit card company and said, “I didn’t move to Memphis, Tennessee!”

I’m just procrastinating at this point, so I’ll stop this nonsense.

I've read all of these recently, and all of them floored me. Print them out and read them on the subway.

The Day I Helped Kill A Baby [via]
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Look At My Striped Shirt! [via]

This is Emo [excerpt] [via]

#1 Tell me scary stories about your “anger management issues.”
“I think I'm going to get back into fighting.”
“Fighting? What kind of fighting?”
“Kickboxing-”
“Oh!”
“And street fighting.”
“Street fighting?” Is that a sport?
“Yeah. I used to do it. I retired when I was 18.”
“You retired?”
“Yeah. I got, you know, like, mad at this guy, right? And things got kinda out of control and I almost killed him. I guess I didn’t know my own strength. So I retired.”
“Oh.”

#2 Make me feel bad. And rub it in.
“Hey there.”
“Hi, I’m C.”
“I’m X.”
“Hi, nice to meet you.”
“We’ve met before.”
“We have?”
“At Z’s birthday party.”
“Omigod, I’m so sorry. Well, hi again. How are you?”
“You didn't remember me then either. We first met at Q’s holiday party.”
“Oh.”

#3 Last minute, I invite you to a party. You can't make it and ask for a “snow check.” We make a date, but you, last minute, have to go out of town for business. We take another rain check. Then you take a new job. On the west coast. Which starts next week.
D'oh.

chopper: i told abbe that each time she has an accident daddy dies a little
<pause>
chopper: oh, i'm kidding!

I just got an email saying I've been assigned to be a volunteer in the box office of this year's Tribeca Film Festival.

Sweet!

K: 27/f, Capricorn, lives in Missouri
Me: 27/f, Capricorn, raised in Missouri

K: unmarried blogging geek, 2 beautiful sons
Me: unmarried blogging geek, 2 beautiful cats?

K: On a fantastic journey in Australia!
Me: On a fantastic journey right here in NYC!

I’m helping to keep things warm and toasty over at Anxiousdog while Katherine is exploring the outback.

You rock, chickie. I even dedicated my newsletter to you today.*

One of my best friends is celebrating a birthday today. I love days like this, because it's almost as exciting and fun as my own birthday. This friend doesn't live nearby, so I am sending her some long-distance love today. How do you tell your loved ones "Happy birthday"?

Top 10 Gifts for Turtle Lovers
This particular friend loves turtles. She has several as pets, and she's been known to stop her car in the middle of the road in order to get out and save one from being smooshed by an oncoming truck. What gifts can I get for a turtle-lover?

Photo Gallery of Tulips in the Netherlands
Don't tell her I told you, but a couple of girlfriends and I got together and have sent a big bouquet of tulips to our friend's office. We hope she loves them! Several of us say tulips are our favorite flower. Look at these beautiful pictures of thousands of tulips in the Netherlands.

How To Frost a Cake
Of course, you can never go wrong by making a birthday cake. Whenever I make cakes, I get so anxious to ice it, that I usually do it before the cake is really cool enough, and I end up making a mess. What's the right way to ice a cake?

*How's that for a cheated blog post? :P

*Want to get my day-job newsletter? Signup is in the lower left.

*UPDATE: How purty.

My favorite part of Ari's fab birthday party last night was when we all went from sitting on our asses to shakin' them in less than 30 seconds. The song that spontaneously moved us all to dance? "Pretty Young Thing." By Michael Jackson.

She: omg don't get too thrilled by this
She: but we taped Blind Justice
She: so that if you feel the NEED to see if its decent... well its here
She: ;-)
She: lol
Me: haahahahahahaha
Me: that was the best laugh i've had all day

*Pop Culture Link
The HIStory of Michael Jackson's Face
You think you remember. Read and relive.

I got this dollar bill the other day. Let's see where it goes.

*Permanent link to Where's My Dollar? on the left.

* Again, all of these pictures are totally stolen

More:
* Take Two, Part Two
* Take Two, Part One

Er, making that big payment the other day went to my head a little and I mighta used my credit card today. A couple of times.

And last weekend, I may have picked up a pair of silver ballet slippers. Was that necessary? Will I even wear them? It doesn't matter. If I wear them once while I do laundry, it will have been worth the $5 I paid for them.

*[2004] Birdcalls: Spring Has Sprung