Friday, I sent an email to the whole company.

It's happened a lot over the last year and a half. I'll be at a party, mingling, trying to muster a little charm, meeting new people. "So what do you do?" they'll ask. "I'm a web site editor," I answer. If my friend Brady is nearby, she yells, "No! Tell them what you do." Being proud and humble simultaneously isn't easy, but I give it my best shot. "I inspire millions of people every day." I don't think I'll ever be able to say that again after today. ...

The editor in chief presented me a with a greeting card. "You're leaving?" it said. "Shit." I thanked everyone and took the card back to my desk. I cried as I read the ballpoint messages from all of my coworkers, wishing me well and telling me how much they'll miss me. My boss wrote, "We can't remember how we managed without you and can't picture someone else in your seat."

I packed up the yoga mat I kept under my desk, some old pay statements, and the tarot cards I'd always wanted to steal. I bequeathed my electromagnetic pollution rectifier to The Opinion Chick, who is scooting over into my desk, a desk that, according to our feng shui decorators, is positively ripe with bad vibes. I hugged everyone when I left.

* * *
Today I was greeted with hugs.

As I got off the subway and headed to a deli near my new office, I ran into one of my new coworkers. We hugged and hung out for a smoke before we headed inside. My new boss met me in the HR office. We laughed and he gave me a big hug and he said he was glad I was there. A few minutes into my benefits orientation, a sexy black Brit stuck his head through the door. He did a double-take when he saw me. He smiled, lifted me off my chair and into an embrace, saying "Hello, darling!" Later, while I sat with the computer support technician as my new laptop loaded something or other, he put his arm around me and said it's going to be so fun to have me around.

I have not started a job at a company destined for a sexual harassment lawsuit.

I'm back where I started.

When I moved to New York almost five years ago, it was to work for this company. With these people. And now I'm back, better than ever.

Above my new desk, a white board is covered with a sign that says, "Welcome C," and has a montage of picture printouts of me: Halloween when I came to the office dressed as a surgeon, a friend and I gazing at the decorations in my favorite Indian joint, me autographing the ass of a moose in Toronto.

I got an email late in the afternoon, reminding the whole company about movie night on the big screen TV. We watched Best in Show over beer and popcorn.

I feel like I'm home.

The unrivaled highlight was when the bride-to-be bit the very large exposed breast of a tall black trannie.

Me: You're unbelievable.

Eleanor: That's what Eleanor means.

Me: Weird. I always thought it meant frigid bitch. Learn something new every day.

Eleanor: Yes, you do.

Other things I learned today:

* Just because Fox 5 is smart enough to put our friend on the air, doesn't mean they know jack about the weather. Cloudy with a few sprinkles? I wore a Duane Reade bag on my head as I walked the last few blocks home. (It's the height of fall fashion, didn't you know? That's what all the models have been strutting inside those white tents in Bryant Park. Aren't they?)

* Though I am ideologically opposed to the outsourcing of American jobs, those Microsoft guys in India ain't half bad. "Robby" did his best and then passed me on to Yogesh. After an hour with the phone cord stretched across the room (causing a few near-hangups as the cats played with the springy bouncy fun toy I'd unwittingly created), my desktop was restored and I whooped with glee.

* Just because you've owned the computer for years without any problems doesn't mean you can throw out that binder full of CDs that came with it. They might come in handy someday. Maybe today.

* Even if your computer has been invaded by evil ad software that you never requested for the third time in a week, do not go too crazy deleting things. That SYSTEM.INI file is kinda important.

* That was a pretty mean thing to say to Eleanor. Shame on me.

Last night, shortly after I posted the new picture, Emma took a quick snap of herself and sent it to me.

She's even drinking it with a straw.


Eleanor: I think today's the first day I've seen you smile in the picture on your blog.

Me: Yes, it's been a long time since I smiled on there. Hadn't had much to smile about this summer. 1 2 And, you know, I was drinking a Coke. Coke makes me smile.

Eleanor: I'm sure that's the only reason you had to smile.

Me: I don't know what you're talking about. Excuse me, I have to go outside and light a few $20 bills on fire.

Eleanor: ha ha ha

Big news to come. Stay tuned.

I flew on a plane. I wore my little black dress to church. I cried.

The groom led his new bride by the hand on Saturday afternoon. The DJ played “Unchained Melody,” and the newlyweds spun around the dance floor of the Arizona resort’s banquet hall. I snapped pictures with a disposable camera, and Jen videotaped the dance. She and I were bawling, after having fought off tears a few times throughout the afternoon. We looked at each other’s tears and laughed so hard we cried more. Eleanor and John just laughed. At us. After the reception we swam in the pool for a few hours. The next morning, my friends headed back to their respective homes in California and Massachusetts, and I flew home to New York.

I flew on a plane. I wore my little black dress to church. I cried.

In the little chapel of my Missouri hometown parish, I sat between my mom and my dad as the priest began to talk about how Grandma was with God now. I held their hands in my lap. The memorial ended with my favorite, “On Eagles Wings.” I could barely read the lyrics in the hymnal through my tears, but I knew most of the words from memory. A college friend of mine sent flowers to my parents’ house. Her card said that she’d always remember what a funny lady Grandma was, and that she’d never forget the car accident we were in together in Erie, PA. The Mercury had gone out of control on an icy bridge, totaling the car as it repeatedly slammed into the guardrail, and when it finally stopped, Grandma said, “Well, I’ve never spun around like that before.” This morning, my mom packed a lunch for me with some of the leftover food from yesterday, and I flew home to New York.