I’ve stained my hair, I’ve stained my floor, I’ve stained my esteem.

I’ve made so many stupid decisions lately, it makes my heart race and wonder how to undo them. I make some more decisions, trying to correct, and stain it all worse. It’s all the wrong color, it’s not what I want. I try to make it better, and end up making it all muddled, smudged. Ugly.

I wish I could take it back. I thought some of my decisions would magically make it all better. But one decision opens the doors to others, and I don’t like making decisions. There are too many and I can’t see straight. I’m making them all on my own, not consulting anyone. I have no one to consult. I have to make my choices myself.

I can’t just start over. I have to work with what I’ve got. But I don’t like what I’ve got and I don't know where to go from here. I thought I was taking a shortcut, and ended up lost.

My stomach is aching and my head is spinning and my heart won’t slow down. And how can I make any smart decisions like this?

I'm a freaking mess. And I'm not just talking about my hair.